Shattered Lives
by Nev827
Summary: After Kate Beckett is shot, her friends rally around her at the hospital and deal with the possibility of her death in their own differing ways.
1. It Should Have Been Me

"11-99! Repeat 11-99! Officer down at Long Island National Cemetery! We need an ambulance out here yesterday! Dispatch, do you copy?"

"Secure that perimeter! You two – get some vests on and check over by those trees! Move!"

"Katie! Oh, my God, Katie!"

"Alexis, stay here! Your father's fine, but…oh no…"

"Lanie, I said stay down. Castle's with her! Ryan, get me a vest dammit so I can go after these sons-abitches!"

Richard Castle was oblivious to the melee swirling around him, heard none of the screaming of civilians or the barking of orders of the police who had joined his friends in remembering Captain Roy Montgomery. Instead, of entering his ear canal and being relayed to his brain for instantaneous identification, the noises bounced off him like pebbles off a brick wall. He was focused on the limp and unresponsive body over which he was crouched.

"Kate, please," he wimpered, "Don't leave me. I can't lose you. Your dad can't lose you." Tears began leaking out of his eyes and blurring his vision. All his verbal inducements weren't working. She was slipping away from him and he knew he had to act fast. "Is there a doctor here?" He demanded, suddenly remembering that there was a doctor present. But she worked with the dead. So what, he thought frantically. They all had no choice. Kate Beckett had no choice. "Lanie!"

The medical examiners' boyfriend, Detective Javier Esposito, poked his head up over the line of the backs of the chairs in which the mourners had all been sitting not five minutes ago, and did a quick survey of the cemetery. His fellow officers had fanned out in all directions, some strapping on bulletproof vests as they ran, others were filling the chambers of their service pieces. When all appeared to be safe, he finally released Lanie to race over to where Castle leaned over Beckett's unmoving body.

Her first horrifying impression was how similar her countenance was to the customers she found everyday on her table at the morgue. Her eyes were shut, her jaw hung slack, and there was not so much of a twitch of a muscle when her name was called. I haven't worked on the living in years, she thought, and now I have to find a way to save my best girl? And if I screw up I could kill her. Esposito returned to her side, now wearing his own bullet proof vest and shouting into a walkie-talkie.

"Dispatch, what's the ETA on that damn ambulance for our 11-99!" Lanie and Castle heard the dispatcher's answer and knew Lanie had to do something. Castle's heart simultaneously sank then jumped into his throat. Blood could still be seen leaking through Beckett's dress coat, meaning her heart was still pumping, but for how much longer was anyone's guess. Lanie felt for a pulse and found one, albeit a faint one.

"She's got a pulse," she informed Castle and Esposito. "I need something to staunch the bleeding. Honey, feel around her back to see if there's an exit wound," she ordered. Castle began to relax a bit as Lanie seemed to enter mission mode, detaching herself and her emotions from the situation. Castle stripped off his blazer and handed it Lanie while Esposito gently worked a hand under Beckett's back and felt around for a hole in her coat or for more blood from where the bullet had passed through her body and continued onto an as yet unknown location. Lanie balled up Castle's jacket and pressed it to Beckett's chest, holding it there.

"I found something," Esposito said. "Yeah, there's a hole in her coat here, seems to be around her right shoulder blade."

All eyes focused back on Lanie, as she began mentally sorting through all the various arteries, blood vessels, tissue and other body parts that the bullet could have damaged. But she knew she couldn't do much outside of a lab.

"There's no way I can tell out here what's going on with her. She needs to get to a hospital, especially if the bullet nicked one of the major arteries running her heart. If it'd hit her heart directly, she'd already be dead. There's still a chance." One corner of her mouth lifted in a little optimistic grin, but all of them knew time was running out.

After what seemed like an eternity, they heard the wail of an ambulance's sirens and the footfalls of paramedics hurrying over to their position. Not far behind them was Jim Beckett, Kate's father, and Esposito's partner, Detective Kevin Ryan, who had obviously lost the battle to restrain Jim. The paramedics went to work right away, shoving Castle, Lanie, and Esposito unceremoniously out of the way. Then a second team of emergency personnel arrived and, finding no other injured subjects, began assisting the first group. Jim begged for his Katie to answer him and for the paramedics to save her, and was finally pulled back by a tall, athletic African American woman with a calming voice who one of her colleagues had referred to as Raquel. Ryan took charge of him, putting a hand on his shoulder and whispering what he hoped were reassuring words. Castle was transfixed on the group whose efforts and equipment were so focused, that they obscured his view of his partner, the woman for whom he feared he had waited too long to profess his love. His daughter Alexis crept up behind him, eyes wide with panic, and wrapped her left arm around his waist while intertwining the fingers of her right hand with those of his left. His mother, Martha, joined them too, and seeing Lanie's imminent loss of composure, tried to comfort her with an arm around her shoulders.

No one spoke. No one moved. Chests rose and fell in heaving breaths driven by adrenalin. Tears tracked paths down faces. Nostrils flared in anger. Eyes stared. Hearts beat. The cemetery suddenly became very quiet. All Castle could hear was his own heart beat in time with that of those around him. The sound seemed deafening and he hoped the combined echo would be enough to rouse Beckett. But as a gurney was pulled alongside where his beautiful detective lay helpless and the emergency workers lifted her body, her hand fell aside and flopped back and forth as she was pushed over the grass to the waiting ambulance. Suddenly this woman, whose strength, purpose and courage he so greatly admired, seemed to resemble nothing more than a rag doll. He continued watching as Jim finally caught up with his daughter and managed briefly to hold his daughter's hand before she was pushed into the ambulance. Two paramedics climbed in after her and he could see Jim gesticulate to them that he wanted to come along. They reluctantly shook their heads and closed the rear doors. Ryan pointed Jim in the direction of his squad car and they hurried off. He then waved Esposito, Lanie, Castle, Martha and Alexis in their direction. Esposito took Lanie's hand and followed. Martha and Alexis tried to do the same with Castle, but he didn't move.

His feet felt like they were stuck in cement. He never wanted to move again, he decided. He would spend the rest of his days out here among the dead, nearby where the noble Captain Montgomery and countless other brave veterans and first responders slept for eternity, near the spot where he had last exchanged looks with the extraordinary Kate Beckett. Alexis and Martha implored him to come with them, knowing that there was nowhere else in the world he would rather be than at the hospital with Kate and his friends. But he wouldn't budge. His eyes had a faraway glassy look and when he finally spoke, his voice was barely audible.

"It should have been me," he muttered.


	2. Scared

"What, Dad?"

"Richard, you can't…"

"It should have been me. I-I wasn't fast enough," he stammered "I saw the sunlight reflect off something and I should have…done something. Knocked her down…warned everyone…"

"Dad, it's ok," Alexis shook her father, but he kept staring off into the direction of where the ambulance had been. "You did everything you could have done."

"Richard, listen to me," Martha said and stood right in front of him, holding his face in her hands so his vacant eyes met her determined ones. "You did nothing wrong, here. You could not have anticipated this." He blinked and looked down at his feet, so Martha continued more earnestly. "You're not Superman and neither is she Wonder Woman. She's a cop and you know what she does is full of risks and as much as you want to protect her, sometimes you just can't."

Castle's lower lip began to quiver. "This wasn't supposed to happen," he said weakly. "Not to her. Not to my Nikki Heat, my Kate."

"I know sweetheart," Martha massaged. "I felt the exact same way when Chet died, and that experience taught me that, that is the whole point. Didn't I tell you a day or two ago, not to waste a minute?" Her eyes were ablaze with emotion as Martha recalled her conversation with her son of a couple nights prior when she had tried to calm him down after his vicious fight with Kate and he could not put into words how he would feel if something happened to her.

Castle regarded his mother and daughter with eyes practically swimming with tears. He let lose a single sob, then recovered himself, not wanting to lose it completely in front of his daughter. "I did it, Mother," he spluttered, his shoulders now quivering as the dam threatened to break. "I told her I loved her, but it didn't help. She didn't come back. She just stared at me then she was…gone." The last word tumbled out of Castle's mouth with barely a sound behind it.

Tears now flowed from both women's eyes, but only Alexis found the fortitude to speak. "Gram's right, Dad. The point is you didn't wait, you said it right then out loud and I'll bet she heard you. But you'll never know if you stay here."

Castle looked back his daughter and mother. So many thoughts were flying through his head, were fighting to the forefront of his consciousness, but he pushed all save one into retreat: the fact that they were right. He had to see her, had to know if she had heard him, if she felt the same, if she would live.

"C'mon Richard, Lanie and Javier are waiting for us," Martha prodded.

"I…I'm scared, mother," Castle breathed and the tears finally came. He sobbed in great convulsive heaves on their shoulders. In return, both women grabbed him and held him until they expected his grief-stricken eyes to pop out of his head. After about a minute, he finally composed himself. "Alexis, I haven't been this scared since I thought you had impaled yourself with a pipe cleaner when you were three."

They chuckled for the first time that whole day and Alexis and Martha knew their father was back. Only he would introduce levity into such an emotionally charged moment.

"Richard, I know you're scared, but I know you can do this. It took a lot of strength for you to do what you've done for Kate and Captain Montgomery over the last few days." She paused, letting her comment sink in. "And how to conduct a homicide investigation isn't the only thing you've learned from her. You are a stronger man because of her."

Alexis could see the fire begin to return to her father's eyes, replacing any traces of defeat. She nodded in agreement with her grandmother, took his hand, and gave it a tug in the direction of where Lanie was standing waiting by Esposito's squad car. Ryan had already left with Jim in his and Esposito's squad car, leaving Lanie and Esposito to wait for Castle and his family. Upon seeing them talking in the cemetery, Esposito had made to hurry them along, but Lanie picked up on the family's distraught state and held him back. While she gave the three their space and watched as the emotion of the day washed over all of them, Esposito got a status report from his colleagues. No shell casing had been found, no gun or rifle, only footprints in the grass. The shooter seemed to have disappeared.

Finally, the Castle's began hurriedly making their way over to where his car was parked. Lanie got Esposito's attention and they all piled into Castle's red sports car for the trip to the hospital.

Beep, beep, beep…beep, beep, beep.

The shrill sound woke the doctor from his nap, and rather rudely he thought. He had finished updating a stack of patient progress reports in his small, cramped office and figured since he was scheduled to be on shift for the rest of the night that he'd put his head down and get some shut eye while the opportunity presented itself. That was only half an hour ago. He exhaled heavily, rubbed his eyes, and picked up his beeper, studying it to discern the number on the small digital readout: the front desk at the emergency room. Figuring they were calling about a newly admitted patient having chest pains, he picked up his office phone and dialed.

"This is Dr. Davidson. Someone there page me?" He asked then listened to the response, which confused him. "Well, why are you calling me if they're not even here yet? Just because they've got a gunshot wound to the chest doesn't necessarily mean they'll need surgery." His face fell and his stomach lurched as he heard the answer to his inquiries. "Alright. I'm on my way once I clear an OR." He disconnected the call and put in a request to reserve an operating room in case it was needed. As a doctor, he did everything he could for all his patients, but for certain people who wore a certain uniform he gave it a little extra. He had always appreciated the bond between fire fighters and police officers, but now he appreciated it more. He threw off his lab coat, wrapped his stethoscope around his neck and hurried down to the ER, praying silently that his worst fear hadn't become reality.


	3. Waving the White Flag

_Firstly, Thanks to everyone who has read this story so far. I appreciate the reviews and support. B-)_

_Secondly, I forgot to mention a few notes when I posted the first couple chapters. The cemetery I mentioned in chapter 1 is an actual veteran's cemetery located in New York State. The code 11-99 is an actual police call signal meaning "officer needs assistance," but I adapted it to mean "officer down." And the reference to the paramedic Rochelle is a real person who was partnered with my late brother when he was a paramedic fire fighter. Just a little nod to him to let him know I'm thinking of him. Finally, the medical explanation given by Josh I found posted by a doctor on a message board in response to someone's question about gunshot wounds to or near the heart. As you can see, I tried to research the details of this story to make it as plausible as possible. I hope it all works. _

_Here's chapter 3. Enjoy!_

Hours later, Josh Davidson stepped out of the operating room, balled up his gloves and facial mask and tossed them in a hazmat garbage pail as Kate was wheeled to the intensive care unit. He had performed the procedure he had just finished many times before and typically felt like it took no time at all, but now he felt as if he had been in surgery for days. He exhaled a long breath and rubbed his face. Kate was stable, thank goodness, but he knew the next day or so would be critical for her and if she did wake up, she'd have a long road back to being at her full strength. Furthermore, he didn't really look forward to trying to keep Kate from the work she loved. He knew she wasn't herself unless she was chasing some perp down a dark alley with her gun aimed and ready.

He loped back to the waiting area where Kate's friends were all waiting for word on her condition. Castle, the writer who shadowed her for his books and whose omnipresence was an unspoken source of irritation to Josh, sat on a two-seater sofa and was flanked by an older woman with curly, flaming red hair, and a younger teenager with straight similarly colored hair, each clinging to one of the clearly shell-shocked writer's arms. One of Kate's squad members, Detective Esposito, paced slowly back and forth through the room like a caged tiger, his hands jammed into the pockets of his uniform. A petite African-American woman leaned up against a wall nearby and kept casting him worried looks. Her other squad mate, Detective Kevin Ryan, sat across from Castle and his family, with his elbows on his knees, rubbing his hands together. A pretty blonde woman had an arm draped around his shoulder and sat next to him. Lastly, Jim, Kate's father, sat in a chair between the couches where Castle and his family and Ryan the blonde woman were sitting. In his hands, he held tight to his daughter's Class A uniform hat. As Josh entered the waiting area, one by one, they all stood faces tight with worry. He took a deep breath and did his best to reflect calm while his own insides felt like a raging river.

"She made it through surgery fine and is stable." The group all let out what seemed like a single collective breath. Castle sank back onto the sofa, shut his eyes tightly, and reclined his head back against the wall. Josh gave them all a few seconds to collect themselves before continuing. "The bullet entered her chest and punctured the pericardium, the thick sack that protects and surrounds the heart. We found the bullet and were able to extract it, so I'll see that it gets to you all so you can do your thing. We were also able to patch the hole in the pericardium and repair some damage to the myocardium, that's the heart muscle. We've put a drain in as well to be sure that the pericardium doesn't fill up with blood or other fluid and become so constricted that the heart can't pump. She's fortunate that her heart is in pretty good shape already, no thanks to what she does for a living."

He paused and looked down at his feet before breaking the bad news. He didn't envision this being so hard, then again this was Kate he was talking about, his beautiful Kate. "What concerns me is how low her blood pressure was when she came in. It was low enough to make me worried about how much oxygen was getting to her brain. While you guys did a good staunching the bleeding, the damage to the heart muscle also makes me concerned that her heart wasn't pumping naturally, so the blood supply to her extremities and other vital organs, including her brain, could have been impaired. Unfortunately, we won't know if she suffered any brain damage for another few days. She's in ICU right now and pretty heavily sedated so as not to overexert her heart. She's also on a ventilator to keep her lungs healthy. For now, all we can do is wait and see how she responds." He exhaled gently, relieved that it was all out in the open.

A visitor passing through the waiting area could have heard a pin drop in the silence that followed Josh's explanation. They all had reason to hope, but also plenty of reason to worry. Everyone knew Kate had an amazing mind and the thought of it being irrevocably damaged hung like a pall over all of them. Finally, Jim Beckett stepped forward and shook Josh's hand. Unable to find words to thank him, he wiped away tears from his eyes and leaned forward to pull the surgeon into a hug. Once he composed himself, he asked the question on everyone's mind.

"When can I see her?"

"Give us a little bit to get her situated in ICU. Then I'll let you all in to see her, but no more than two at a time and for no more than five minutes. Chances are she won't be able to hear you and won't respond, but everybody's subconscious works differently. Occasionally, I've had patients respond to questions their loved ones have posed while under sedation as if they heard them loud and clear, but when they're awake and doing fine they don't remember anything. So visit and say what you want to say, but don't overdo it." 

Jim nodded and thanked him again. "I'll be back in about half an hour to let you know when she's settled. In the meantime, just sit tight." He turned in the direction from whence he had come, but stopped when he heard a voice call his name from behind. It was Castle.

Ever since Kate had been brought into the hospital and he saw the despondent look on this man's face, a little part of him had been dreading this conversation. Kate talked about him quite frequently, given that they were partners and he had based two books on her with a third coming out that fall. But he had noticed something else in her when she brought his name up. Her eyes twinkled slightly and she became just a bit more animated, for better or worse. Combine that with the rather lukewarm reception he got when he first was introduced to everyone at the precinct, and he had more than enough reason to wonder just what the famous mystery writer's intentions were with his girlfriend. But given everything Castle had been through that day, he straightened himself and prepared to be civil.

"Josh, umm," Castle stammered. Ironic, that this man who had made a fortune with words, was suddenly tongue-tied. "I just wanted to thank you as well. I know you're just doing your job, but it couldn't have been easy to operate on your girlfriend or to see her…like she was."

"Of course, Castle. You and, Lanie, was it? You both did a decent job yourselves given what you had to work with. Using your coat to hold back the bleeding, I mean."

Castle accepted his gratitude sheepishly and internally debated whether or not to continue. Screw it, he finally concluded. "I also wanted to say, that I'm glad you were here for her. It's no secret that I…" his voice trailed off, and he knew he had to choose his words carefully. "I've come to admire her a great deal and I consider her a great friend, but I know she's got a special place in that surgically-repaired heart for you. I'm glad you saved her and I'm sorry for being anything less than respectable towards you in the past."

Josh had to admit, this wasn't the reaction he had expected from a filthy rich world-famous playboy writer who was probably used to getting whatever woman he wanted. He felt himself blush with embarrassment. "From what she's told me, it sounds like you did your fair share of saving her before she even met me. So I should be thanking you. Without you, I wouldn't have met her."

Castle graciously nodded and fought as hard as he had all day to stem the rising tide of tears gathering in his eyes. "All those people waiting back there are my family, not just the ones with whom I share DNA. And I'd do anything to help Kate and all of them. Always." He extended his hand and they shook firmly, though Castle grinned inwardly with a fiendish delight at the fact that the word he and Beckett used to represent their trust for each other went right over the good doctor's head. Josh excused himself to check on Kate as he'd promised and Castle returned to the group in the waiting area. He noticed everyone listening to Lanie and made his way I their direction.

"What'd I miss?" He inquired.

"I was just telling everyone that Josh is just being modest. To keep the pericardium from filling with fluid and blood, like he said, you'd have to plug it up with something until you can use suction in surgery to keep it clear and eventually insert that drain. In medical school, I saw an ER doc plug the hole with his finger until the patient got to surgery, so there's a good chance that he did the same thing to save her." She paused to let the gravity of Josh's deed and his humility sink in to everyone before continuing. "He literally was one to plug a hole in her heart."

When Castle heard this, his stomach lurched and he stepped away from the group. Truer words were never spoken, he thought, and he slumped back down onto one of the couches. While he had waved the proverbial white flag by thanking and apologizing to Josh, the thought of Beckett taking him back after he helped save both of them from freezing to death and the knowledge that she was too afraid to commit herself to anyone else, still stung him. He had waited too long to admit his feelings and now he'd lost his chance with her.

"Well, listen everyone," Jim Beckett's voice brought everyone back to reality. "Come hell or high water I'm not leaving this hospital at least until Katie's out of ICU. So I can visit with her later. But you all are as good as family to her, so go see her if you want to. If you'd rather go home and get some rest or do whatever then leave me your cell phone numbers and if anything changes, I'll be sure to call you."

When he saw nobody make a move towards the exit, his heart swelled with emotion for these people, who if Kate had chosen any other profession would have been complete strangers to him and her. He couldn't really admit to knowing any of them terribly well, but here they were standing like stone walls in silent support of him and his daughter.

"In that case, we need to decide who goes to see her first."


	4. Lanie and Esposito

The gang all looked at each other quizzically. Clearly, each wanted to go see Beckett, but at the same time didn't want to appear selfish by suggesting that they go first. Finally, Esposito broke the silence when a thought struck him.

"Wait. Don't you have to be on shift in a couple hours, chica?" He asked Lanie, using his pet name for her in an effort to try to lighten the mood.

"Oh yeah, I do," she responded. "I completely forgot I switched shifts with Perlmutter so I could come to the funeral. And you know how he can get if I don't show up."

"Baby, do you really think you should be cutting up people given what's happened? I mean, Perlmutter can be an icehole, but I think he'll understand once someone explains that…you know." Esposito questioned, with Ryan agreeing.

"You and Castle may think of him as an _icehole_," she began, using finger quotes to emphasize the creative insult Ryan had once coined, "but I told him where I'd be, and he promised to get all the autopsies done before I got in so I'd only have lab tests and paperwork. And any new bodies that came in that he couldn't handle, he promised to square it with the boss, so don't go calling him names when you don't work with him like I do." The guys all shifted uncomfortably on their feet realizing that the ME had read their minds. Castle made a mental note to himself to never think bad thoughts about Lanie's crusty colleague again.

"Sorry, everyone," Lanie apologized, realizing that her last statement came out much harsher than she had intended. She gathered her purse and coat and began walking in the direction of the intensive care until where her unconscious best friend lay then stopped. She did an about-face and walked straight up to Esposito. This time, she spoke gently and quietly.

"You coming, baby?"

"Nah, it's alright. You go yourself." He tried to shrug off her plea, but suddenly felt transparent. He wanted to see his boss very much, but at the same time, was repulsed by the vision of her lying on a hospital bed being kept alive by nothing more than sterile machines. He had worked with Beckett since she became a detective and longer than Ryan, but more than that, he looked out for her, like an older brother does for his younger sister, especially since he learned her backstory. For a time, besides Captain, he was the only guy in the precinct with whom she felt comfortable talking about her mother. He had a feeling he'd lose it as soon as he caught a glimpse of her, but also knew he had to be strong for Lanie.

The diminutive ME gave him a skeptical look then glanced at Ryan, who was standing nearby with his fiancée, Jenny, unashamedly clutching his left arm. If anyone could convince him not to keep his emotions bottled up, it was Ryan. Ryan flashed a look at Jenny, who had figured out subliminally what Lanie was up to, and gave him a nod. He walked over to Esposito, the tough ex-soldier who he knew had a heart of gold, and looked him in the eye. Lanie stepped over to Jenny to give the guys some semblance of privacy.

"Dude, it's ok. Nobody else at the 12th has to know about this. I know you liked working with her as much as I did – err, still do – and we all know how the world would be a better place if more people would just say what they mean, what they feel to each other before it's too late." Esposito caught Castle's eye. The famous author gave him a look that clearly said "Listen to him." "Go see her, man. Then Jenny and I'll go next, and the two of us can go back to the precinct and get down to business." Ryan clapped a hand on Esposito's shoulder then leaned in to whisper in his ear. "Look at it this way: chicks dig it when they see you get all sensitive. Trust me." They chuckled and Esposito turned and offered a hand to Lanie, who took it and followed him to the ICU.

The intensive care unit was a large room, approximately the size of a professional basketball court, with six beds, three against each of the walls that spanned its width. Around each bed hung a retractable curtain and sat an array of machines with tubes and wires connected at various points on the body to a patient. It was largely quiet with two beds empty and the remaining beds featuring people either heavily sedated from surgery or in semi-conscious or unconscious states. Except for the buzzing of nurses to each other or to visitors, the only sounds to be heard were the rhythmic beeps of heart monitors and the rush of air out of ventilators.

Esposito and Lanie spoke to a nurse who pointed them to the bed where Beckett, at the far end of the room on the left. Since the beds next to and across from hers were vacant, she was somewhat secluded, a fact that comforted Esposito some. He squeezed Lanie's hand a little tighter as they walked slowly towards her bed. They could easily make out her long legs, under a blanket, and strong arms, but couldn't see her face until they were mere feet away because of all the machines. When they finally reached her bedside, they saw an oxygen mask partially covering her face, an IV in her left arm, a pulse oximeter on one of her fingers and a few other machines that Esposito did not recognize, but figured served an important purpose. Beckett's long hair lay neatly on the pillow that supported her head and she had been stripped of her uniform and now wore a hospital gown.

Lanie teared up almost immediately at the sight of her unresponsive best girl. She brushed a few errant strands of hair off her face and rubbed her shoulder. Esposito stood next to her, desperately trying to fight off his own emotions which ran the gamut from anger to sorrow.

"My girl," was all Lanie could say before she finally composed herself. "Katie, honey, that was a beautiful speech you gave for the Captain today…before you were so rudely interrupted." She faltered again, but quickly recovered. "If you can hear me, I want you to know that we're all here pulling for you. Your Dad's doing great too. We all want you to come back to us real soon, ok?" The irrational side of Lanie's brain hoped to have Beckett shake open her eyes, shake her head and squeeze her hand in response, but her rational brain took over. Lanie dropped her head to her chest in disappointment when nothing happened.

"You should have seen Castle today, Kate. Well, you did since you passed out _after_ he tackled you, but the point is…he almost took a bullet for you. Five seconds sooner and he'd be the one laying in your bed." Lanie took Beckett's left hand in her right and began gently stroking its back side with her thumb, hoping the combination of her voice and her touch might stir something. "Now, I know you probably don't wanna hear this, but I just can't see Josh doing the same thing. Don't get me wrong he's a great guy and I see he makes you happy, but…nothing compares to the look you get in your eye when Castle is around. You brighten up. You brighten each other up, for that matter. I hope when you wake up, which I know you will, you'll take a second look at that boy. I know I've told you this many, many times before, and I know that it scares you, but Castle has got it bad for you. You and I both know life is too short to keep feelings to yourself, so I want you to promise me that the second you feel the same for him, you'll tell him. No waiting, no flip-flopping, no running and hiding like you've been doing. And if you don't…well, you know what Imma do to you if you don't." Tears finally dripped from each of Lanie's eyes before she wished her Katie-girl a speedy recovery.

As Lanie spoke, Esposito listened and alternated between wanting to break down himself and wanting to shove his fist through a wall in anger. All he could do was hold tight to Lanie's free hand and rock back and forth on his ankles. Occasionally, he checked Beckett's face, expecting her to sit up and give him an order.

But there was nothing.

After Lanie placed a gentle kiss on Kate's forehead, the type of kiss only best girl friends can exchange, she shifted to her left a bit, opening up a spot for her boyfriend to get close enough to his superior.

"Yo, Beckett," he began, grinning slightly as he thought of all the times he greeted her the same way after uncovering new evidence in one of their cases. "Uh, I just wanted to say a couple things. First, Lanie's right. You've got Castle so whipped, it's not even funny. I don't mean that as a bad thing though. You're good for each other. I don't remember seeing you smile nearly as much before he came around the precinct. And I know I told you this before when you were with Demming, but you know he's not gonna be around forever. There's nothing obligating him to stick around the precinct and you and I both know he's been around long enough to be able to write plenty more Nikki Heat books. Look, I'm sure Josh is a good guy and it's great that he flies around the world helping people and all, but there's nothing wrong with putting yourself first. Think about it: while he's off in Africa saving lives, who's constantly been there for you right here?"

Esposito felt Lanie's eyes on him and squeezed her hand a little tighter, since what he wanted to say next would be harder than what he just finished. He exhaled heavily and studied all the machines surrounding her bed, reminding himself of the critical nature of her condition. For a moment, the image of her mom laying in a casket somewhere and Kate and her father standing in his and Lanie's place flashed across his mind's eye.

"The last thing I wanted to say was…um…" He needed another deep breath to finish his thought and his nostrils flared as the words spilled out of him. "Whoever is behind all this, whoever hired Lockwood, and whoever took that shot at you today, we'll find him and bring him down. That's a promise. I swear it on my Grandma's grave."

Lanie had never seen Esposito with such an intense look on his face before. It scared her, because she didn't want him to get hurt, but it also comforted her, knowing that from now on Kate wasn't alone in her crusade to bring the mastermind behind the conspiracy that led to her mother's death to justice. She was even more surprised to see a tear slowly working its way down the outwardly tough detective's cheek. She wrapped an arm around his waist as he wiped the tear away and composed himself.

They both bid their sleeping friend goodbye, albeit for now, and headed back to the waiting room, arms around each other.


	5. Ryan and Jenny

Shattered Lives – Chapter 5

Esposito and Lanie bade Ryan, Jenny, Martha, Alexis, Jim and Castle all a good evening and headed out, Lanie to get to the morgue and work and Esposito to head to the precinct. After clearing it with Martha, Alexis and Castle, he and Jenny headed toward the ICU for their visit with Beckett.

Ryan was more concerned about Jenny than about his reaction to seeing his boss unconscious and hooked up to numerous pieces of medical equipment. While he dealt with dead bodies every day at work, he knew she didn't and he was concerned about how the sight would hit her. Granted she'd only spent a handful of occasions with her fiancee's co-workers and didn't know them very well, so he didn't expect her to be too upset, but he had learned through the course of his police work that some things you just cannot predict. So he kept a tight hold on her hand, even massaged its back here and there with his thumb.

When they reached the entrance of the ICU, he paused for a moment and gave Jenny a concerned look. She took a gentle deep breath and looked back at him steadily. She took his one hand in both of hers and brought it up to her lips, placing a light but reassuring kiss on his fingers. She knew her husband-to-be wouldn't wilt at the sight of someone's body lying broken in a hospital bed, but this wasn't just a random stranger who had witnessed a murder from whom he needed to get a statement. This was Kate Beckett, a cop for whom Ryan had tremendous admiration, as he had once confided in her. She figured the small gesture of kissing his hand would send the message that "I know this is gonna be hard, but I'm here for you." She grinned at her slightly, nodded, and then pushed through the door.

A nurse standing by the closest bed to the entrance recognized the badge on his waistband and pointed out Beckett's bed. They both approached in silence, lost in their own thoughts. If they could have read each other's minds, they would have found that both were unsettled by the sight of the strong and determined Kate Beckett looking so helpless and weak surrounded by machines which were keeping her alive. When they reached her bedside, Ryan found himself unable to speak, so Jenny broke the silence.

"Hi Kate. It's Jenny," she began quietly. "I know we don't know each other very well, but from what Kevin has told me about you, and from what I've seen in the few times we have gotten together, I really hope you recover and we can spend more time together. Kevin loves working with you and Javier and Rick and Captain…" Her voice trailed off as she realized they would never work with Captain Montgomery again. She saw Ryan drop his head to his chest and study his feet, so she gave his hand another little squeeze in apology. When he lifted his head and patted her hand with his free hand, she continued.

"Anyway, there's nobody else we'd want to see at our wedding more than you. I've actually got a bridesmaid's dress waiting for you too. So…" Jenny could hold back no longer and reached out and rubbed the back of Beckett's left hand a few times as tears threatened to spill out of her eyes.

"I know it sounds cliché, but get well soon. We're all pulling for you and thinking of you and your Dad. Take care, Kate. Ryan's right here too."

Jenny switched places with Ryan, as Lanie and Esposito did so the one talking could be closer to the patient. Instead of taking his other hand in hers, she wrapped her right arm around his shoulder, gently rubbing it. Again, he seemed unsure of how to begin and only stared at the machines recording vital signs, then at Beckett, then at the hand Jenny had touched. He recalled her using it innumerable times to steady her service revolver, to hold a flashlight, or to show her badge. Now it sat on a hospital bed limply and was hooked into an IV. Just as Jenny was afraid Ryan would break down, he cleared his throat and began to speak. She had never seen him so emotional, except when he had proposed at the precinct.

"Um…Beckett. It's Ryan. Just wanted you to know, I'm here. Well, we're here," he corrected himself, meaning not just Jenny, but all her friends. "I can't wait for you to get back to the 12th. Even though you're with Josh, a few of us still have that pool on you and Castle going. But before you come back from wherever you are and kick my ass, it is your life. On the other hand, take it from someone who put himself out there and won: sometimes you just gotta take a chance. If Josh isn't the one, don't waste your time. And if you're wondering what I mean and who I'm getting at as being the one, you don't have to look too far."

Seeing a nurse give him and Jenny the evil eye, he knew he had to wrap things up. "Look, uh, Jenny and I've gotta run before Attila the Nurse throws us out of here, but don't you worry. Esposito and I are gonna work our asses off to find who did this to you and to Captain Montgomery. I promise."

Ryan took a step back from Beckett's bed as Jenny dropped her arm from around his shoulders. He gave a quick salute as a tear finally traced its way down his cheek. When he finished, he quickly brushed it away, took her hand and they exited the unit. When they arrived back at the waiting room, Ryan was surprised to find Esposito waiting for him. Lanie had obviously headed to work or home to change before her shift.

"What are you doing here? I thought you were going to the precinct?" Ryan queried Esposito.

"You don't really expect me to try to catch the assclown who did this by myself do you?" Ryan was taken aback. Esposito moved closer to him. "You know if we're gonna stand a chance of catching these punks it's gonna take both of us. So, I need you with me. I want you with me."

Jenny's eyes sparkled with more tears at Esposito's words. Ryan had told her how much a partnership means to a cop, but she'd never experienced it firsthand.

"Oh, you know I'm there, dude," Ryan answered. "Just give me a sec." Esposito backed off slightly, knowing Ryan wanted a minute with Jenny.

"Be careful, sweetheart," she said as they enveloped each other in a warm hug.

"Of course. I'll be home when I can," he responded and kissed her quickly but meaningfully.

"Love you."

"Love you too." Jenny then left to check in on another friend who was also staying in the hospital recovering from a car accident.

As Ryan and Esposito turned to leave they spied Castle by the waiting room's exit looking as despondent as he had been since Josh left.

"Yo, Castle, we're gonna need your help too whenever you're ready." He wanted to add "to leave Beckett's side", but kept it to himself.

"Right," Ryan agreed. "After all, you are her partner."

Castle grinned broadly and joined the two detectives in the same little fist pump exercise they did after saving him and Beckett from freezing to death during the dirty bomb case a few months ago. He watched as Ryan Esposito boarded an elevator for the hospital exit and felt content for the first time all day.


	6. Castle, Beckett, and Shock

_Here it is, folks, the last chapter of this story. This one didn't seem to garner the attention my previous stories did and if I apologize if you all didn't like it as much. I did want to thank I'm Widget for being the only person to review the previous 2 chapters and for those of you who subscribed to this story. _

_I tried to delve into Alexis's feelings in this chapter and hope she didn't come off as too whiny. Please let me know if you think I wasn't true to her character. _

_As I've said already, thank you for your support of this story and enjoy the conclusion!_

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><p>"Your turn, Rick," Jim Beckett said to Castle, and all his contentment immediately evaporated. Holding Beckett bleeding and unconscious in his arms was one thing, but seeing her lying unconscious in a hospital bed with nothing keeping her alive but machines was another. He swallowed hard and shot a look in the direction of his mother and daughter.<p>

"Go on, dear. You two deserve some privacy," Martha answered and grinned encouragingly. Castle shook Jim's hand and headed towards the ICU, lost in thought and dreading what he was about to see.

Alexis and Martha watched him go and sat down on the sofa in the waiting area that was previously occupied by Ryan and Jenny. Martha went to wrap her arm around Alexis' shoulders and noticed her slumping, almost pouting.

"Are you alright, dear?"

"Yes and no," the teenager sighed and began rambling. "Well, I'm glad that Detective Beckett didn't die and is doing ok considering that she was shot in the chest, and I know it's selfish and terrible of me to feel this way, but I'm worried now that Dad told her he loved her that he'll be spending even less time at home and more time not just at the precinct but also with Detective Beckett in general and I really want him to be happy and I like Detective Beckett, but…"

"But you're not sure you want to share him even with her?" Martha asked, already knowing what the answer would be. Alexis grimaced and nodded slowly.

"Oh darling, that's only natural! Look at us, we've both had him to ourselves for a long time now, so it is going to take some getting used to, having a new woman in your father's life in _that_ way. But let's keep this in perspective. You remember Beckett does have a boyfriend, don't you?" Alexis nodded, slightly confused at what her grandmother was getting at.

"Well, don't you think worrying about what will happen between her and your father if she's still with someone is putting the proverbial cart before the horse?" The dawn of realization washed over Alexis and she brightened some. "Let's just take it a day at time, alright? To be honest, I have doubted your father's taste in women in the past, but this time…this time will be different. Once those two figure out how they feel about each other _and_ are ready to admit it, the rest will work itself out. But don't you forget you will _always_ be a priority in your father's life."

Alexis leaned over and melted into her Grandmother's arms. "I want Dad to be happy so much, but I also don't want him to get hurt," the teenager mumbled on Martha's shoulder.

"How do you mean? Physically hurt or emotionally?"

"Both."

"Well, as for the physical, I've already spoken to him about that and as much as I don't like it and worry every time he walks out the door to the precinct, he's willing to take the risk because it will help Kate and her friends. If Ashley was in a similar situation as Kate and you could help him like your father does, then wouldn't you?"

Alexis nodded, seeing Martha's point. "As for getting hurt emotionally, well, I think that's the last thing on Beckett's priority list. That girl cares about your father, but she's got to figure it out on her own."

Alexis nodded again. "One day at a time," she repeated.

"Exactly, dear." Martha put her arm Alexis' shoulders and the younger Castle leaned in and dropped her head on the older woman's shoulder.

Meanwhile, Castle entered the ICU and didn't need any help finding Beckett's bed. He spied it from the other end of the large room and headed straight for it, tuning out any and all noises around him. His attention was completely focused the beautiful face lying prone and quiet in the hospital bed. He reassured himself by watching her chest rise and fall evenly and listening to the rhythmic beeping of the heart monitor, meaning she was still alive, just in a different place. His eyes followed the green line on the screen as it traced the heart's activity and, though he wasn't a religious man, he silently thanked the Man Upstairs that it wasn't a straight line from one side of the screen to the other.

He turned his gaze to Beckett's face, that gorgeous face that normally reflected so much life. He expected her brow to furrow adorably as it did when she was concentrating on the murder board or listening to a witness. He hoped one of her eye brows would lift in warning that he had crossed a line, or her bottom lip would tuck itself underneath her upper lip in sympathy with a victim's family member, or her mouth would transform into her million-dollar smile that he never tired of seeing. But most of all, he wanted her beautiful eyes to open, those deep dark eyes that above all her other qualities had first gotten his attention. He wished for nothing more than to see them again, to lose himself in them, to do whatever he could to sweep away the lingering pain that was kept hidden behind the fierce determination and occasional playfulness.

He reached down and covered her left hand with his right, entwining his fingers around hers, and held it tight. He thought maybe his touch would be enough to make her eyes open, but he was disappointed. He looked down at the long, elegant fingers wrapped around his and wanted to speak, but could not find words. He began massaging the soft area between her thumb and forefinger with his own thumb, hoping that would work, but again to no avail. Finally figuring out the words he sought, he looked her in the face and spoke.

"I still love you, Kate. I always will, always. But if Josh being with Josh is what makes you happy and you're not ready for anything else, then that's fine with me. As much as I want to hug away your fear and pain, I know you need time and forcing you to figure it out before you're ready won't do any good. So take your time. I'll be around. _Always_."

He lifted her hand to his lips with his left hand and pressed a soft kiss to her fingers. He then laid her arm and hand back on the bed where it had been before his visit, but did not yet drop his grip. He stood, deliberately not looking at Beckett's face, and took a half-step away towards the entrance to the ICU, but felt something pull him back. Her grip on his hand had tightened and that only meant one thing. His head snapped back to look at her, and to his astonishment, her eyes were half open. He moved back to the bed, holding her hand in both of his again and keeping his eyes fixed on hers.

He leaned over her and could see recognition in her face. As he gazed into her brown orbs, he saw them dance slightly and light up just as they did whenever they'd both cracked a case wide open. His heart skipped a few beats as he realized brain damage did not seem to be a worry.

"Hey, Kate," he said, his eyes glistening.

Slowly, her brow furrowed as if she was either in pain or confused and she shut her eyes. Even though she could not speak because of the oxygen mask, he shushed her, telling her to rest, and lovingly shifted a few strands of hair away from her face. There would be plenty of time for them to talk in the coming days and weeks. His hand brushed her cheek and he could see her taut facial muscles relax.

_Rest now, my beautiful, Kate. You're going to be fine._

He separated her hand from his and, grinning widely, exited the ICU with a spring in his step.

He got back to his loft late that evening and found Alexis and Martha in their pajamas reading on the couch. He resolved to join them and headed for his office through which his bedroom was located. As he passed his desk, he noticed a stack of mail piled next to his laptop. Near the top of the stack was a thick letter-sized manila envelope that had been hand addressed in a familiar style of penmanship. He picked up the envelope and looked at it with foreboding.

_I know who sent this to me. But why?_

He heard the house phone ring, but rather than make an effort to answer it, he slumped down in his desk chair and opened the envelope. Inside was a hand-written note from Captain Montgomery and a small stack of files. Reading the note didn't take long, as it was short, but once he finished, his body had gone numb with the implications of what he now held in his possession.

Hearing footsteps approach, he slipped the envelope onto his lap and hopefully out of sight.

"Dad, it's the police department for you," Alexis informed him, peering around the doorway. "are you ok? You look like you've just seen a ghost."

"Yeah, I'm fine honey," Castle covered. "It's just been a long day. I guess I shouldn't have stayed at the hospital as long as I did. No worries, ok?"

Feeling mollified, Alexis relaxed and made to head back to the living room and her reading. "Don't forget about the phone call, Dad," she reminded.

"Oh, right. Thanks." Castle answered and picked up the cordless phone on his desk. "Richard Castle."

"Yes hello," The voice greeted. It was female, seemed to be older, and was clear but resolute. Castle immediately sensed that this was not the voice of a person you wanted to cross. "I apologize for calling so late, Mr. Castle, and I know you've had a long day, but my name is Anita Van Buren and as I'm the new commander of the 12th precinct Homicide Division, I just wanted to introduce myself and ask if we could meet at some point tomorrow to discuss your current…arrangement ."

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><p><em>How do you like that little surprise, huh? I can't see S. Epatha Merkerson taking or being offered the part of the new Captain, but the thought just popped into my head, so I decided to have a little fun with it. Reviews, as always, are appreciated.<em>


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